Monte Carlo
Envision a sleepover with your best friends in your early teens. You’ve traded in your skinny jeans for PJs for the night, and you’ve got blankets spread out over the floor of your family’s living room. There’s the buttery smell of popcorn in the air, and there’s cold soda and fresh pizza dripping in cheese and grease waiting to be eaten. In-between playing games and whispering secrets, it’s time for the quintessential sleepover ingredient: a chick flick. Chances are, you’re turning on a film like Monte Carlo.
Monte Carlo is one of those essential girlhood movies, because it’s got adventure, romance, friendship, and self-discovery. It’s a feel-good movie that transports you to the streets of Europe.
But beyond being a classic girlhood film, Monte Carlo is a great example of the Christian principle of “losing yourself and finding yourself.” Let’s see what spiritual insights we can gain from Monte Carlo on identity, service, and love.
Warning: spoilers ahead! Go watch Monte Carlo if you haven’t 🙂
Monte Carlo’s Plot
Monte Carlo begins in Texas, where a young diner worker named Grace (Selena Gomez) graduates from high school. Grace, and her friend Emma, who works with her at the diner, have saved up money for a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Paris. But then Grace’s mom and stepdad step in and inform Grace that Meg, her stepsister, is going on the trip, too. Grace and Meg don’t really like each other, and Meg doesn’t like Emma, who was in her high school class before dropping out to be a model on a clip-and-save.
The trio arrive in Paris, but everything goes south. Their tour is chaotic, and their travel bus leaves them behind. After getting caught in the rain and entering a fancy hotel to dry off, Emma and Meg discover that Grace looks uncannily similar to a wealthy socialite, Cordelia. The hotel staff confuses Grace for Cordelia, and the trio get Cordelia’s room and lobster meal for free.
The next morning, Grace still gets confused as Cordelia, and the trio end up taking Cordelia’s private jet to Monte Carlo. A benefit is taking place in Cordelia’s honor in Monte Carlo, but Cordelia is spoiled and is playing hooky. The trio, but strongly pushed by Emma, decide that Grace will pretend to be Cordelia, and they will enjoy time in Monte Carlo and allow the benefit to happen.
After the course of a week, the girls have lots of adventure and romance. Grace falls for the benefit’s host’s son, Theo, but she is pretending to be Cordelia. At the end of the week is an auction. The auction is for Cordelia’s expensive necklace, which the trio loses, and barely recovers in time. Grace makes it to the auction, wearing the necklace as Cordelia, but then Cordelia barges in and reveals Grace’s duplicity. Grace gives a sincere apology, and Cordelia’s aunt bids on the necklace, and saves the day. The money goes to charity. At the end of the film, we see Grace doing humanitarian aid work in Romania (where she runs into Theo), Emma reunited with her boyfriend in Texas, and Meg traveling the world with her lover, Riley.
Feeling Lost
Have your ever felt lost? Unsure about the future or about how you fit into the world? Grace did, too. Shortly after arriving in Paris, while visiting the Eiffel Tower, the tour bus leaves Grace, Emma, and Meg behind. Grace hangs her head in defeat, and Meg points out that no one is having fun.
Then, Grace shouts, “Ok! Are you happy, Meg? I picked the worst tour in all of Paris. I’m sorry, Emma, that you wasted your life-savings on this trip. Meg, I’m even more sorry that you got dragged into this, and I’ll have to hear about this at the next Thanksgiving and Christmases forever. But most of all, I’m sorry that I even thought I was someone who could come to Paris!”
This gut-wrenching declaration stuns Emma and Meg into silence. I feel so heartbroken every time I hear Grace yell that she’s “not someone who could come to Paris.” Earlier in the film, we see that Grace isn’t very confident. She tells her mom that she hopes Paris will somehow make her “different.” I find it so sad that Grace doesn’t see her worth. She interprets the failed tour as a sign that she just isn’t good or cool enough to be a world traveler. In reality, anyone could end up on a bad tour. Grace doesn’t fully see the value in herself. She feels lost.
Losing Herself
As Grace impersonates Cordelia, something interesting happens. She seems to become more comfortable in her own skin. But how does pretending to be a wealthy socialite, speaking in a British accent, donning fancy gowns, playing polo, and interacting with a charity organization produce a change in Grace?
I wager it’s because for the first time, Grace isn’t stuck in her own head. She’s not focused on being self-conscious. Instead of worrying about how Grace is being perceived, she’s worried about sounding and looking like Cordelia! In a sense, this frees her to be less self-conscious and interact with the world around her with less inhibitions.
Also, Grace is changing because she’s taking action! In Texas, we see Grace being reserved and hesitant to speak up or take up a lot of space. When her fellow senior graduates are rude to her at the restaurant, she just goes along with it and asks for their order. She seems to have a very small bubble of friends. However, as Cordelia, she’s not in the shadows. She’s meeting new people, trying new things, and even taking the risk of committing a crime! While we could debate the morality of Grace’s decisions, I think it’s more interesting to see how pretending to be someone else caused Grace to get outside of herself and live.
There’s another interesting scene that takes place after Grace hangs out with Theo, the benefit host’s “delicious” son. Grace likes Theo, and she tells Emma, “I finally meet a guy who likes me for me. And I’m not even me.”
Of course, it’s true: Theo thinks Grace is Cordelia. But I’d argue that Grace is being more of herself than ever before. Being Cordelia has freed something in her. We see Grace connect with Theo on an emotional level in the stables, and she teaches Theo how to whistle (a skill I think her father who passed away taught her).
Finding Herself
At the end of the benefit week is an auction. Due to a series of exciting events, Grace barely makes it to the auction and almost loses the article being sold: Cordelia’s expensive necklace. Then, mayhem reigns as Cordelia breaks free and confronts Grace at the auction. Grace, on stage with the auction necklace, takes accountability for her actions, and she, Emma, and Meg apologize for their duplicity. Grace then pleads, “Please don’t let my mistake stop you from helping these children.”
Grace calls for the auction to continue, and Cordelia’s aunt places a high bid on the necklace, declaring, “Six million Euro for the necklace on that woman’s neck, whomever she might be.” An enraged Cordelia confronts her aunt, and Cordelia says, “I’m doing as she asked. I’m helping.” Everyone, except an angry Cordelia, ends up happy. Grace goes on to volunteer for the benefit host’s charity, working on humanitarian work in Romania. There, she meets Theo again, and we can assume they reconcile.
Seeing Grace end up in Romania, helping with children’s education, is where the film comes full circle. Grace entered Paris insecure and not sure of her place in the world. She then became Cordelia, taking risks, opening up, and living life in Monte Carlo. At the auction, she took accountability and became Grace again, but a new Grace. In Romania, we see the change: Grace has found herself. She’s confident, and she has purpose. Losing herself in Cordelia helped her begin the process of becoming her best self. Now, Grace is finding meaning in getting outside of herself and serving the children and people around her in Romania.
Christian Connections
So, what is the Christian connection to this girlhood pop culture icon? Monte Carlo is a loose example of the Christian principle of losing and finding yourself. Matthew 16: 24-25 reads,
“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”
In these verses, the Savior is telling his disciples to follow Him, to leave their old lives behind. I think the Savior is saying that if we try to hold onto our lives and our own ways of doing things, we won’t change. We won’t progress on our journey of discipleship. However, if we are willing to follow the Lord and put Him first in our lives, we will be blessed, we will grow, and we will find purpose and meaning. We will find a more joyful life in Christ.
Elder Christofferson of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints explained this principle of losing and finding one’s life by quoting a professor: “As the heavens are higher than the earth, God’s work in your life is bigger than the story you’d like that life to tell. His life is bigger than your plans, goals, or fears. To save your life, you’ll have to lay down your stories and, minute by minute, day by day, give your life back to him.”
Okay, so honestly, that sounds a little scary, that a big part of losing your life is letting go of your own game plan and accepting God’s. However, there are a couple of things that can help us, as we strive to follow God’s will. First, we can learn about our Heavenly Father and His perfect attributes. This can help us develop trust in Him. Second, we can open up to God and pray to Him about our wants, needs, fears, goals, etc.* As we develop a relationship with our Heavenly Father, it can help us seek His direction and obey His counsel.
On losing our lives and obeying God, Elder Christofferson added,
“Of course, the greatest illustration of saving one’s life by losing it is this: ‘O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done’ (Matthew 26:42). In giving His life, Christ saved not only His own life but our lives as well…The theme of the Savior’s life was ‘I do always those things that please [the Father]’ (John 8:29). I pray that you will make it the theme of your life. If you do, you will save your life.”
Obeying God and trusting Him are essential to losing our life and finding a better one in Christ. Monte Carlo is not a religious film, and I bet this connection of losing and finding oneself is unintended. However, I think it is significant that only when Grace became a “new” person, did she begin to find herself. There’s truth to this paradox. Whether you are striving to become more Christlike, or just trying to achieve a new goal, there’s something powerful in laying aside old habits and old beliefs and taking action and doing something new. However, one key point to remember: Losing oneself in discipleship to the Savior doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a process, and we can have the Savior’s help as we strive to follow Him and live His gospel.
Service Helps Us Find Ourselves: Monte Carlo Style
Now, for the more direct Christian tie from the film: Losing ourselves, specifically in service to others, help us find ourselves. This is a principle that leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints teach, and I’m sure other churches as well.
In Monte Carlo, we see that Grace does find herself through service to others. As she impersonates Cordelia, she’s thrown into a position where she’s interacting with more people, and she is touched when she sees what Theo’s father is doing for the children in Romania. Grace also connects with Theo and (despite her duplicity) offers him a listening ear and is a good friend to him. Although she’s masquerading as Cordelia, she is the most authentic she’s ever been with a boy, with Theo.
A strong example of service in the film is the friendship between Grace, Emma, and Meg. Before Monte Carlo, the trio is forced together, and only Grace and Emma are friends. However, as they embark on their duplicitous adventure together, they learn more about each other, and they work together to keep the ruse up. While they still have some bumps in the road, we see Grace, Emma, and Meg connect with one another. They listen to one another, have each other’s backs, and Meg gets included in the group. By the end of their time in Monte Carlo, the women are rooting for each other’s happiness. That connection came about only by the teamwork and friendship that developed between them during the Cordelia ruse.
Another direct parallel to the principle of losing yourself in service to others and finding yourself is the ending of Grace’s story, where we see her doing humanitarian aid work in Romania. Grace has finally found her place in the world. She feels fulfilled as she’s making a difference in young people’s lives. Herein lies the paradox: If Grace had kept to herself, kept her old thoughts and ways of doing things, she’d still figuratively be saying, “I’m not someone who can travel to Paris” (or Romania for that matter). But by opening herself up to others, first by taking risks as Cordelia, and then by dedicating her life to helping children abroad, she “finds” herself. We see a confident Grace at the end of the film, a woman who knows her worth and knows that she can fulfill her favorite quote, “Be the change you wish to see in the world” (Gandhi), by taking action and helping others herself.
Grace’s experience reminds me of the following quote by President Kimball:
When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves! In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves! [See Matthew 10:39].
“Not only do we ‘find’ ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives, but the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls…it is easier to ‘find’ ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!”
-Spencer W. Kimball: Man of Action by Garrett H. Garff
I love that quote! Like Grace, as we open ourselves up to the people and experiences around us, and look for ways to give of ourselves and serve, we will find a richer, more fulfilling life. We will find joy as we connect with and help others. As we love our neighbor and love God, following Jesus and striving to obey God’s will, we will discover a meaningful, joyful life. Our Heavenly Father wants us to be happy. Losing our lives is scary (and it’s so much easier for me to type this than to do it), but as we strive to follow the Savior and serve the people around us, we will find joy.
Feeling Lost as a Missionary
As a full-time missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Germany, I thought I had to be perfect right at the beginning of my mission. However, I eventually learned that completely losing oneself in service and giving your heart to God is not just a mission-long, but a life-long, process. (And we believe we will keep progressing in the eternities). Don’t think you have to be perfect now, because you don’t have to be.
Also, there is something magical about “losing yourself and finding yourself.” Before my mission, I was convinced that I was made more for books than people. And honestly while there’s some truth to that, (I still like reading, and I can be awkward sometimes) my mission changed me, gradually. As a strived to talk to strangers and invite people to learn about the Savior’s gospel, I slowly “lost myself,” (as earlier Hannah was way too shy for that), and I was shocked to discover that I actually did enjoy meeting people! While approaching people on the street and talking to them about God was always challenging, I did learn that I loved hearing people’s life stories, and getting to know other church members and the people we taught was an amazing experience. I discovered that nothing brings more joy than Christlike connection. Spending time with people, teaching them, or serving them, or them serving you, in a spirit of joy and love, is pure magic. As I “lost” myself in missionary work, I “found” a version of myself that loved connecting with people.
Also, like Grace, when I was stuck in my own head, worried about how others perceived me, I was so awkward! But the more I tried to focus on other people when talking with them and trying to serve them, the less awkward I was, and it was easier to connect with them, too.
And “losing and finding yourself” doesn’t mean you completely become a new person! That’s what I falsely thought at the beginning of my mission. But no, you can become a more Christlike person, more dedicated to your discipleship, and still be you. Before my mission, I loved running, pizza, fairytales, and chocolate, and I still do 🙂
Discussion and Reflection Questions (losing and finding yourself)
- Do you think Grace’s story is a good example of losing yourself and finding yourself? Why or why not?
- How can we develop confidence in ourselves and trust in God?
- What does losing your life and finding it in Christ mean to you?
Sources
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2016/03/finding-your-life?lang=eng Christofferson quote
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2007/01/spencer-w-kimball-man-of-action?lang=eng Spencer W. Kimball quote
*The ideas I mention of how to increase trust in God likely came to me, because I had first heard those ideas in talk(s) by leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
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