Meet Hannah Larson
- Hometown: Page, Arizona
- Age: 28
- Family: Oldest of 5 siblings
- Education: Graduated from Brigham Young University (BYU) with a degree in Public Relations
- Mission: Redlands California Mission (now San Bernardino Mission); English speaking; Feb. 2016- Aug. 2017
- Life Mission: When she was 16, Hannah felt impressed by the Spirit that her mission in life is to help people feel God’s love. Recently, Hannah has been prompted by the Spirit to be more open about her life on social media. Her goal is to help teach people about Jesus. Check out her inspiring blog.
- Fun Facts: In college, Hannah had a goal to meet 3 new people in college a day. She created Humans of BYU, interviewing students and sharing their stories, @humansofbyu. Hannah has taught seminary, worked as a tour guide, and has taught English in Italy.
Hannah’s Story: Perfectionism vs. Joy
Near the end of my mission, when I was 15 months out, I read a quote in Preach My Gospel that basically said, “Do everything you can to make sure you are serving the Lord at all times,” or something similar with a gung-ho feeling. I remember reading that, and something in me was like, “oh my gosh, the next 3 months of my life are the last 3 months of my mission, if these are not absolutely perfect, then I’ve failed as a missionary!” I somehow internalized that and felt that everything I do has to be the best ever, because it’s the last 3 months of my full-time mission, and I’m never going to have this opportunity again, so it has to be perfect.
I don’t know how long I kept that up, maybe like a month, but I was so miserable. I was stressed all the time, and my companions were stressed all the time. You can ask any of my companions or others on my mission, I was probably the most enthusiastic missionary in the mission, and I didn’t believe in taking breaks. I also had no background or idea about mental health at all for any of my companions, bless their heart. For me, I had never experienced any mental health thing until 2020, [after I was a missionary]. So we were out all the time, we’re talking to everybody under the sun, we’re in the car calling people, and I was like that my entire mission, but it really amplified the last 3 months, until I completely got burnt out.
I have a vivid memory of talking to my mission president and crying, and being like, “All I want to do is make this as perfect as I can. I’m scared that I’m not all doing all these things.” The mission president’s response made me feel loved. (He’s so awesome, he has so much love for me to this day still). He said, “Sister Larsen, are you having any fun?”
I was like, “No, I’m not having fun.”
He then shared a message about the grace of Jesus and His Atonement, how the Savior makes up all the difference, and I just do the best I can. Ultimately, the gospel of Jesus Christ is about having joy, and if I’m not having joy, I’m doing it wrong essentially.
I think what happens is we don’t have joy when we don’t focus on Jesus, and I was focusing too much on myself and my abilities, and making everything perfect, and not enough on Jesus Christ. That conversation was really pivotal for me. I chilled out a lot, and focused more on Jesus and realizing that it’s not about being perfect.
*Check out YOMO! You Only Mission Once: A Guide for Sister Missionaries, for more information on how to combat perfectionism on the mission.
What was the process like for you in deciding whether to serve a mission or not?
So I never wanted to serve a mission, because I strongly believe that our entire lives are our missions. It was really annoying to me when I moved to Utah and went to BYU, and everyone was like, “it’s essentially every person’s calling to go on a mission.” I was like, “well, you can share the gospel not as a missionary.” I have shared the gospel my whole life. I’ve been God-minded forever, so it was really frustrating to me to meet people who basically said your worth is based on whether or not you go on a mission.
All that to say is, freshman year, a lot of my friends were going on missions. I was like, maybe I should pray about it, because it wasn’t like I’m not going to go. I just already knew I’m doing what God wants me to do. But I had never prayed about serving a mission, so for 9 months I prayed about it.
It was really difficult, because I felt like I wasn’t getting an answer, and it made me confused since it was a righteous desire. I wondered is God there. I prayed and prayed and felt so lonely and lost, and I went to my bishop, and he said sometimes you have to take steps forward and then more light will come. He suggested that I consider opening my papers.
I prayed about it, and very few times in my life have I felt like God has spoke to me with a voice, (it’s more feelings and promptings), but this was very much like a voice, and I heard, “You can go if you want to, but you don’t have to go if you don’t want to go.” I was like okay, then immediately stressed, because I was like, “it’s up to me to choose?”
Ultimately what happened was I realized a mission is just making friends all the time, and teaching people about God’s love, and that really is what I do like to do. So then I opened my papers, and I didn’t tell anybody except for my family. I filled out everything and went through the entire process, and I told my family I’m not sure if I’m going to go. In my head I told God that I was not going to Idaho or to a foreign country to learn a language. I also wanted the timing to be right, so that I wouldn’t have to leave in the middle of a semester after getting attached to people.
Then, I get my call and it’s for Redlands California, English-speaking, leaving Feb. 6th. I felt good about it. I didn’t want any of the fanfare, I didn’t tell anybody. I really wanted this to be between me and God.
How can sisters best prepare to serve a mission?
I wasn’t going to mission prep, since I had never planned on serving. Honestly though, I was made for a mission, I did what I know God called me to do essentially. The reason why I was prepared to serve was not because of mission prep, but because I was reading the Book of Mormon every day, pretty much since I was 16.
So I know that that on top of that revelation, I was inspired to make sure I was praying every day for charity. Reading the Book of Mormon every day and praying for charity opened me to the Spirit, to know how to follow the Holy Ghost, and allow the Holy Ghost to work through me, and that’s really what the crux of being a good missionary is, being open to the Spirit.
What was hard about your mission and what helped you improve it?
Even though I really loved my mission and feel like I was born to be a life-time missionary, there were still really hard things. Missions are extremely hard for everybody. One thing that was difficult for me was knowing if something was from the Spirit or not. I was the oldest of five, obedient, and had always wanted to do what God wanted me to do, which has blessed me a ton. However, on the mission I got stressed and fixated on how the Spirit communicates and is this the Spirit or not.
The main thing that was hard for my companions is that they were all planners, and I wasn’t. I don’t really think we need to plan; I think we need to go out, and the Spirit will tell us which street to go on. However, lots of my companions didn’t want to do that, they wanted to have a plan for every single hour of the day, and said, “This is what God wants, because when we plan, we show Him that we will be in certain places.” But I didn’t believe that. Now, I know that it’s a mix of both (planning and following the Spirit). It was hard my entire mission, I just wanted to be able to listen to the Spirit and feel free to do that.
So, it was a constant struggle, and I don’t really know if planning improved. I know it improved in terms of me understanding my companions’ need to plan, and their understanding of me to need a little more freedom.
What did you love about your mission?
I loved sitting with people in their houses and learning about their life and trying to help them. It’s such an intimate experience for people to invite you into their home and look towards you as someone who’s a representative of Jesus. It’s a very special and intimate experience, and I really love doing that, and I’m meant to be with people. The mission was such an embodiment of who I am as a person, because what you’re doing is being with people, really being with the people in the streets, houses, stores, congregations. I really loved that.
I loved building Zion in my mission. My first mission president was all about separating elders and sisters, and they couldn’t talk to one another, because the previous mission had been really disobedient, so he really cracked down. (Missionaries aren’t allowed to date and are supposed to be focused on the work, not on romantic relationships). So the first few months of my mission it was super weird and divided because people felt like they couldn’t talk to each other.
Then the new mission president came in, and was all about building Zion and working together. Essentially, I love loving people, but I love helping people love each other, helping people understand each other and build unity. My mission president saw my passion for unity and said I was someone he wanted as a leader in the mission. I was essentially a sister training leader my entire mission, and had so many opportunities to lead at zone meetings and mission wide meetings, where I got to do trainings all in the name of unity and helping people work together.
What were a couple of things that you learned from your mission?
People need to be heard. People desperately need others to see them. People really need to be seen and heard and supported where they are at. At this point in my life, I’ve taught seminary for a year and worked in various capacities, and I don’t think there is enough emphasis on teaching people to their needs from Preach My Gospel. The reality is people do not grow in any way unless they feel safe and seen. And the only way you can help people feel seen is meeting people where they are at, and trying to understand them where they are at, and loving them where they are at.
Also, God’s love for everybody is so big. We could do anything, spend our whole lives serving Him, and it wouldn’t be enough. Not that God is saying it’s not enough, but for how much God has done for us, for giving us Jesus Christ, for letting Jesus die and live again, and for Jesus doing that, it’s the greatest gift ever.
I remember being 6 months in my mission and thinking I could do this for the rest of my life, and it’ll never pay back Heavenly Father for what He has done for me, what He has done for everybody, and what Jesus has done. That feeling I could do this forever, I want to do this forever, I love God and Jesus so much, just having that experience was so important for me in terms of my own faith and understanding that love is the answer and the great motivator, too.
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