Disclaimer: This article was posted on February 24th, 2020. I now have been married for over a year and a half. I wanted to still share this story, because I wish I was better at actually following my own advice when I was single- have fun and enjoy the stage of life you are in! Remember that you are worth more than any man’s opinion of you!
You may be wondering- why write a post about being grateful to be single? Let me tell you: The reason why I want to write this post is not to diss on relationships or declare my eternal independence or vent about all my dating frustrations (although the last one is super tempting). No, the reason why I’m writing about the positives of being single is because I have met so many wonderful young women who are experiencing the highs and lows of being a young single adult, and I want to reach out to them and say that if you feel inadequate or burnt out with dating, you are not alone! And regardless of your relationship status, YOU ARE ENOUGH. (Also, I love my friends who are dating and who are married, and I admire your relationships, so don’t be offended I’m writing about the positives of being single! One day I do hope to have a relationship as strong as yours! 🙂
First off, let’s just recognize that dating can be hard. Not to slip into being overly negative but dating often feels like T. Swift’s “Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince” lyrics: “you play stupid games and you win stupid prizes.” But does it have to be like that? Dating can be fun and exhilarating and challenging. It’s exciting to eat dinner with someone new or get to know someone that gives you butterflies. When you go on dates, you can try new things. You can even learn more about yourself on a date. Plus, if you are female, you can often get free meals (hehe just kidding boys 🙂
But…maybe you are just not feeling it with dating right now, and that’s okay, too. Taylor Swift offers wise counsel on this point as well from her song “Shake it Off:” “the players gonna play…the haters gonna hate…I’m just gonna shake.” Ignore all the haters and just do what you love, as Swift says. If you want to be single and focus on you right now, do it. If you want to focus on dating, do it. Whatever it is that makes you feel alive and brings joy and goodness into your life- do it!
So, what are the benefits of being single? Here are a few blessings I thought of:
- Making connections with people. You can get to know new people regardless of your relationship status but being single offers the unique opportunity for you to be completely free and expansive with your social world. You can get to know people and have time for lots of friends. Plus, you can flirt with anyone! 😊
- You can focus on yourself! It’s your time to learn about yourself and your strengths, weaknesses, likes, dislikes, hopes and dreams. It’s your time to pursue your hobbies and hold nothing back. It’s your time to figure out what you want, so that when you do meet the right person, you are ready. (When you understand yourself and your own needs and wants, you will be better prepared for a relationship where you will need to articulate those needs and wants to another individual.) Plus, it’s just fun trying new things and exploring your hobbies, which you should be able to do throughout your life, but when you are single, it is an especially favorable time to do so.
- Service. Being single doesn’t mean being selfish. You can serve a wide variety of people and be placed in certain situations where you can touch people’s lives in ways that are possible because of the stage of life you are in, whether you are single, dating, or married. I know I have had many amazing roommates (who are married now) who touched my life in such unique and impactful ways- ways that were only possible with us being roommates.
- Independence- it’s fun. I can go where I want and do what I want when I want. I set my own schedule. It’s so freaking great!
Also, I want to just do a little shout-out to my friends here in the middle of this post. Life is about connections, and friends make life richer. So if you are single and lonely, please reach out to someone and spend time with friends! They really make everything so much better and funnier. Friends make life worth living! I am so grateful for my friends- single, dating, and married- and how they turn a bleak landscape into a work of art exploding with vibrant color.
As a final point to my list of the blessings of being single, I’d like to add one caveat…when being single just sucks, take the opportunity to draw closer to your Maker and to Christ. I assure you that God didn’t create any mismatching puzzle pieces. EVERYONE has a place in His plan- Heavenly Father loves each of us so much and wants us to succeed- not just the people who look like they will succeed but everyone! So please don’t lose courage. Don’t lose hope. You are loved by the most powerful Being in the universe and you are not a mistake. God’s got a great plan for you- so be brave enough to live it!
So whether you are on a high or a low dip, enjoy the roller coaster that is the single and dating life. Whether you just nailed a three or got stuffed in the face- don’t give up. Don’t worry about the timing. Don’t worry about being good enough- because you are more than enough. Use your talents and the experiences you are having right now to find joy and serve others. Also, my dad once gave me the advice that I need to work hard, but that I should also have fun. Being single or being in a relationship can be hard, but both should involve fun, too. Like T. Swift said in her song “22,” being single is “miserable and magical.” When you are feeling miserable, please don’t forget the magic. And remember the magic that is within you regardless of your circumstances, that is possible through Christ. You are loved 🙂
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